Happier Than Ever

I have been thinking a lot lately and I have concluded that right now in my life I am happier than ever.
I can't tell you another time when I have felt happiness, peace and love at this kind of level. It has something to do with the fact that I am no longer a college student jumping through hoops for my professors and everything to do with the fact that I love my little family and the stage we are in at this very moment.

Our life together is not perfect but it is in my eyes as I seek to find the good in those less than perfect moments. We still make very little money working less than ideal jobs but somehow we make ends meet for the necessities and whatever we have leftover we spend happily on movies and food. We have always loved living close to both of our families but we find ourselves enjoying it even more as Rosie gets to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins so well. We are so fortunate to have good friends who we love spending our nights with playing cards and talking about life and of course laughing a lot too. Andrew and I have told each other countless times since Rosie was born how blessed we are to have a healthy and happy little girl. She fills each day with new and exciting wonders and so much joy. We have and are currently seeing so many blessings pouring into our lives and we are grateful for the gospel that helps ground us and provide hope for the future.

Life is simple but wonderful right now and I dare say that I am happier than ever.

Losing Control (in a positive way)

I was listening to a fairly intense and emotional radiolab the other day in my studio as I was painting and I had to stop to jot down this quote:

"To have a child is to embrace a future that you cannot control."

-Yep.

I'm already feeling a loss of control over a few things in my life and she is not even here yet.

-Oh boy!

But in all seriousness, the things that matter most are falling right into place.
I am gearing up for a future of motherhood
and I can hardly wait.

Photo unrelated but I love it so I had to share.

Ultimate Devastation

I had a dream.
Well more like a nightmare.
That I lost you.

I don't know what went wrong
or
Why you were taken from me so suddenly
but
I woke up feeling
like
someone had ripped my heart out and left me empty.

I felt
shame,
loss,
sadness,
fear, and
ultimate devastation.

I could not go back to sleep.
I could not bear the thought of never getting to meet you.
I could not fully understand.

I am so grateful that I can still feel your little
kicks and punches
thumping away in my belly this morning.

I will never lose you.
I love you sweet baby girl.

Well...This is really happening!

We announced to our family first at Andrew's birthday party. He got a fun new illustration toy and I thought it would be clever to have him draw something to show the family that also doubled as our announcement that we have a little baby on the way.

It was perfect timing too because all of my sisters were in town and we had Andrew's family up to my parent's house for cookies (not cake..) and ice cream and presents. Everyone we love was in one room to hear it at the same time. Their reactions were so fun to watch. It took some people a minute to read the text on the image and really register what we were telling them. Quickly after came the screams, smiles and hugs. Lots of hugs.



(These were the only photos we got of the night. Sorry they are not very good photos. Wish we would have gotten some with Andrew's side of the fam or at least the shocked grandparents.)

Marie Watt's Sewing Circle at BYU

Marie Watt's sewing circle was such an amazing thing to participate in. First she gave a lecture to our studio seminar class on Thursday night and then she announced that we could all come and sew with her on Friday morning. I knew immediately that I wanted to go. I couldn't miss a chance to hear Marie talk some more about her art and also to add a few stitches to her most recent blanket. This experience did not disappoint. I showed up about 15 minutes early because I knew I only had a spare 30 minutes to spend with Marie that morning. It was fun to get some one-on-one time with her. We talked about a lot of topics all while stitching thick layers of wool fabric pieces together to create one of her beautiful blankets that she is so well-known for.

The physicality of the blanket in real life was lovely. It was so therapeutic to sit and share stories and sew for almost an hour. I realized how much I love the act of sewing whether it is for practical reasons such as sewing clothing or blankets or for the less practical reasons of sewing into artwork. I think I will start sewing more as soon as I am finished with my finals.

Side Note: I am so behind on recording the many fun things that I have been a part of in the last little while. (I have about 6 more drafts of upcoming posts and those that have probably lost their relevance by now...ugh. Someday I will catch up with life.)

Spiritual Nourishment

This weekend, is the LDS General Conference, an event that happens twice a year and I look forward to a lot. Here's why in a nutshell: "The purpose of conference is that we may refresh our faith, strengthen our testimonies, and learn the ways of the Lord from his duly appointed and authorized servants. May we take this opportunity, then, to remind each other of our covenants and promises and commitments." -Spencer W. Kimball

I like that President Kimball uses the word "refresh" because that is exactly what conference does for me. After listening, taking notes and pondering on the words that have been said, my whole being feels like it got a jump start.

I think my favorite talk that I have heard so far is Elder Quentin L. Cook's talk about peace. For some reason his words struck me with a lot of power this afternoon and I frantically began taking notes on the things he said and the way I felt about them. I will share some of those with you below:

-We all seek after peace.
-Sources of peace--not found in wealth, power, pleasure, leisure or entertainment. The Savior is the our source for peace.
-Peace of conscience leads to contentment and this ultimately comes from our ability to repent and become clean through the Savior's atonement
-“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27).
-"That in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).
-Hymn # 129 Where Can I Turn For Peace?

I cannot wait for more spiritual nourishment to be provided by tomorrow's sessions of conference. I would love to hear about your favorite talk and any thoughts that you have had while watching conference. Share with me if you would like.

Perfect Lovers

This is a piece by Felix Gonzalez Torres that I feel is the best explanation of perfect love. He set these two clocks in sync with one another so that they would tick at the exact same time.

Think about that as a metaphor for two beings with two heartbeats and two different schedules coming together to be in the same moment at the same time. Morphing their lives into one and ticking in unison. The clocks were destined from the beginning to fall out of alignment as one's batteries could wear out before the other and slow down until one day it stops.

                                                                                                         But until that time, they continue on.

Torres' piece is a beautiful ode to love.

Life is so full of disappointment and trials but having each other is our little bit of perfect in this imperfect life.

the sublime

I have been thinking a lot lately on the sublime.

What qualifies something as sublime?

There are many different definitions. Some believe that the sublime invokes fear through the supreme power of God. Others believe that the sublime is more subtle hinting at the natural and awe-inspiring beauty of untouched land. There are other things in this world besides the landscape that can invoke the sublime but landscape painting is what I have been focussing a lot of my energy on in the last few months. I have been heavily researching and writing on this subject as well as striving to achieve the sublime in my own way through my artwork.

But boy is it hard.

I always seem to strive for the "impossible" in my work causing me to labor intensely in order to feel satisfied.

Often I never reach that satisfaction.

I guess art making for me (and I assume for many others as well) is one heckuva long journey in which there may be no end.

Sign me up for that punishment!

In reality, it is no punishment at all. I find my greatest joy while I am making art. I am on a journey of discovery. I am searching for the sublime in this corrupt and imperfect world and ultimately true long-lasting happiness.