Ultimate Devastation

I had a dream.
Well more like a nightmare.
That I lost you.

I don't know what went wrong
or
Why you were taken from me so suddenly
but
I woke up feeling
like
someone had ripped my heart out and left me empty.

I felt
shame,
loss,
sadness,
fear, and
ultimate devastation.

I could not go back to sleep.
I could not bear the thought of never getting to meet you.
I could not fully understand.

I am so grateful that I can still feel your little
kicks and punches
thumping away in my belly this morning.

I will never lose you.
I love you sweet baby girl.