Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I Graduated from BYU!

So many events collided at the end of the year that I feel like my graduation was not nearly recognized or celebrated as I feel it should have been.

I mean honestly, I graduated from BYU!

This was me 381/2 weeks pregnant on my last day of school forever.

 So much blood, sweat and tears went into getting my degree. I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful it feels to finally be finished. I don't think I ever truly believed this day would come. (Seriously!)

School has never been an easy thing for me. I am the world's slowest reader, for one, and that made reading text books for classes a nightmare! I tend to over think and over stress every assignment, test and project which meant I had multiple emotional break downs per semester. My degree did not come easily lets just put it that way.

But I am really so grateful that I pushed through and finished what I started four years ago. My freshman self never imagined that I would have been brave enough to study art and graduate with my BFA. Despite the fact that many people believe the art program to be impractical and a waste of time, I found that the most meaningful classes that I took were those in the art program. I personally grew so much from all of the class discussions, articles, critiques, books, and projects that were part of the program. I cannot thank my professors enough for their encouragement and advice. They were incredibly influential to my art and my creative process throughout college.

I also have to thank my parents and husband for their continual support throughout college. They put up with my stressful bouts and tornado messes on a daily basis. They stayed up with me during those all-nighters and helped set up and take down two of my art shows on campus. I could not have done it without them.

Now that I am graduated I no longer have assignments and deadlines given by my professors but
I
will
continue
to
make
art.
Making is the way that I process my thoughts and experiences and I would have little or nothing to say without that outlet.  Making art is a defining part of who I am and who I want to become.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Losing Control (in a positive way)

I was listening to a fairly intense and emotional radiolab the other day in my studio as I was painting and I had to stop to jot down this quote:

"To have a child is to embrace a future that you cannot control."
-Yep.
I'm already feeling a loss of control over a few things in my life and she is not even here yet.
-Oh boy!
But in all seriousness, the things that matter most are falling right into place.
I am gearing up for a future of motherhood
and I can hardly wait.
Photo unrelated but I love it so I had to share.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Ultimate Devastation

I had a dream.
Well more like a nightmare.
That I lost you.

I don't know what went wrong
or
Why you were taken from me so suddenly
but
I woke up feeling
like
someone had ripped my heart out and left me empty.

I felt
shame,
loss,
sadness,
fear, and
ultimate devastation.

I could not go back to sleep.
I could not bear the thought of never getting to meet you.
I could not fully understand.

I am so grateful that I can still feel your little
kicks and punches
thumping away in my belly this morning.

I will never lose you.
I love you sweet baby girl.